Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
