Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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