So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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