"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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