Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
