I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
