1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
