Whats the glycemic index on semen?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
