Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There r osticjed everywhere
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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