dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
