I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
