The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
