The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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