On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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