Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
