Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
