i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
