I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
