I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
