My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
