Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
