What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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