I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
