I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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