so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
