I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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