not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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