this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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