69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Small penises have feelings too.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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