Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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