Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
