in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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