You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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