i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
