R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize