I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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