It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
