I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
