I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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