True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have feelings that need drinking.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
