So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
