The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
