Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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