My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize