Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
