arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
