It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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