The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
