I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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