Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
