giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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