Plan B is the new Plan A
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Everything about him screamed your future.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
