Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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