You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How external is "for external use only"?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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