Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
