is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
