The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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