You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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