This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize