i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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