Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
