Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize