i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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