she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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