OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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