i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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