Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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