If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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