My friends, they love my intelligence
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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