do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
