Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm jealous of your bromance
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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