i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
