What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
