Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
