You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
