The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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