I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
