Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
