you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize