Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
