I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
