dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
