Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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