I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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