dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize