she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
