I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
