i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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