I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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