Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
