Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
