My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize