Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
