Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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