My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
