One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
