Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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