when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
