Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
