I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
