Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
