you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
