I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
