hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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