Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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