I like to think it a success when the cops are called
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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