call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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