my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
