Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
