I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize