chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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