I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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